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So how do you feel? You share short stories and feelings with us
Hair loss is unfortunately a side effect of some cancer treatments and can stir up strong emotions - both negative and positive. They can occur before, during and after hair loss and can be familiar, or new and upsetting. This section is about identifying those emotions and finding ways to deal with them.
Naturally our emotions are individual to each and every one of us, but there are some experiences that seem quite common. Below are some examples that others have shared and, alongside them, are links to suggested ways of coping with negative feelings and ways to share the positive ones.
Reading these stories – good and bad – can help you. Making time to do that and giving yourself space to experience these emotions really can make a difference to how you cope.
With great thanks and respect to those people who have kindly given us permission to share their experience in the hope that it may offer support to you.
Please note that some names have been changed at the story writers request.
What are you feeling?
We asked several people to share how they feel. Have a good look through the personal experiences below...
Aggression
“I should have known that something was really wrong when I started to pick the skin on my hands and throw things around the house. But it took my son to tell me that he was scared that I may harm myself for me to realise how aggressive I had become. I was furious that through all that I was coping with, that I had to face up to hair loss as well. I didn’t realise that I felt this way and it scared me that I was becoming aggressive in front of my son. I picked up the phone and talked to a cancer counsellor and received some really helpful advice on how to deal with everything I was going through. I learnt that aggression is really common for people going through treatment and can sometimes be a side effect of medication. It was a relief to get on top of this feeling and I urge you to do the same.” Mandy
If you feel like this get some support - click here
Anxiety
“As a result of my radiology treatment for a brain tumour, I still have a permanent area of baldness on the top of my head. It’s about the size of a golf ball. But you would never know because I have these amazing hair extensions which completely cover it up. Even in the wind or rain it is my secret. But my anxiety was because I spent a good year after recovery thinking that a wig was my only option. So I really encourage you to prevent unnecessary anxiety and find out what’s out there in the way of cover ups. It may mean investing some time and expense but it really is worth knowing what your options are. “ Tilly
Read about hair replacements click here
Courage
“I work in an office of very glamorous women and was dreading the thought of wearing my wig and returning to work after my treatment. I even thought about handing in my notice but then I thought ‘hang on a minute, I can do this. So, I found the courage even though I felt really nervous. I walked into the office reception and made a joke with the receptionist, ’hey it’s me the new office blonde girl‘ and everyone came over and welcomed me back. After a week I realised that was it another hurdle I had overcome.” Carolina
Have you got an inspiring story to share with us - get in contact we would love to hear from you. Click here to contact us
Depression
“I didn’t want to go out, see my friends, do the school run or return to work. Now this was really unexpected because I had these feelings after hair loss when my hair had actually started to grow back. I had coped all the way through my treatment, worn the wig and got on with it all. So I really didn’t expect to slip into depression once treatment was over and my hair was growing back. I think it was that through treatment I had an army of nurses, appointments etc… and that kept me going. All of a sudden it was ‘see you in 6 months’ and time for life to return to normal. But for me, every time I looked in the mirror, that short hair just reminded me that I was a different person and despite coming through treatment I felt I couldn’t cope with life, that nothing was normal. I did come out of it with the help of my GP who made some helpful life style suggestions to me.” Rachel
If you feel like this why not attend a support group? Click here
Disappointment
I should start by telling you that I was born in southern India and have very dark brown skin, because if you don’t know that then my story might not make sense to you. When my hair fell out I went to a fashion wig shop in my local town and was given a beautiful jet black bob that was practically a carbon copy of my own hair style. But something was not quite right and I just couldn’t put my finger on it. A hairdresser friend then took a look and noticed that the “scalp” part of the wig was white. My natural scalp colour is light brown. I was so very disappointed that this so called natural scalp colour was not my natural skin colour! As an Asian woman I felt like this was yet another thing I had to deal with that a non Asian would not have to even think about. I got another wig with a dark base (so my saclp looked right for me) and felt much better. Janette
If you have a darker skin tone take a look at Choosing the right colour for your wig to ensure that you match your scalp skin tone.
Embarrassment
“I felt really embarrassed when I went to my daughter’s school parents evening because I hadn’t told other parents about my cancer. Whilst I was waiting to see the teacher, one of the parents commented on my hair, actually it was a wig but she didn’t know that. She made really positive comments about how great I looked and wanted to know who did my hair as she was looking for a new hairdresser. She was asking about my highlights and was just about to touch my hair when I shouted at her ‘“it’s a wig I’ve got cancer’. It was awful, I felt so very embarrassed because everyone was looking at me and the poor woman looked mortified. Parents that I knew were asking if I was ok, it really felt like the entire room was looking at me, which they were. Luckily one of the teachers grabbed me and took me to the staff room to escape. Actually this embarrassing moment, whilst still embarrassing, resulted in some of the other mums offering to take care of my daughter for me and in the end was a real help on the days when I needed to rest.” Estelle
If you are having simular problems why not have a chat with a Macmillan nurce - click here for details
Fun
“I was wearing a long wig when I turned up at a friends house in my convertible, they couldn’t believe it. I just thought …’right I’m gonna do this’, and so with a head scarf tightly holding my wig on my head, we drove along with the wind on our faces. I said to my friends ‘don’t worry darlings, if it comes off you can go get it’. You can’t let hair loss stop you from everything you enjoy.” Teresa
For more ideas on covering up click here
Heart warming
“I was just dreading the work Christmas party until a group of women presented me with a big box containing a pink curly wig. They said that they had decided to have a ‘think pink’ Christmas party theme and everyone, even the boss, was to wear pink head to toe. I just found it so heart warming that they had thought so hard to make me feel comfortable.” Jasmin
This is a great idea - if you have an idea like this do get in touch we would love to hear all about it - Contact Us click here
Inner strength
“I found this inner strength that seemed to come out of nowhere. It’s strange as I have always been such a girlie person, painted toenails and highlighted hair. But when my sister shaved my hair off for me she cried more than I did. Don’t get me wrong, it was tough but this inner strength that I found made me feel that if I could face this I could do anything. I didn’t wear a wig, I wore funky caps and head scarves until my hair grew back. My friends said I had this inner glow of confidence, I stared right back at people who stared at me and refused to stop going out and having a good time.” Annette
Don't want to wear a wig? then take a look at other ideas - click here
Lack of confidence
“It’s all very well for people to say ‘oh you will be fine, it will grow back’, and so on but I just felt so vulnerable without my own hair. Even a trip to the supermarket turned into a big deal for me. But after four weeks I realised that I had to get on with things. My main concern had been that my wig might slip off when I was out taking my dogs for a walk or shopping. Then I met a lady who suggested that I tie a thin scarf around my wig for extra security. This one tip made such a difference for me and meant that I could match my head scarf to my outfit. I knew that even if a big gust of wind came my way that my wig would sit in place and this gave me the confidence to get on with things.” Joan
Click here for tips on wearing your wig well
Optimism
“I love pottering around in my garden and so that first week when my hair fell out I planted a little daffodil bulb in a pot. I knew that by the time it flowered my hair would be growing back and so this small action gave me great optimism. I went out every day and just had a cup of tea with my daffodil, it was as if this was my ten minutes a day that I spent thinking about how I felt and somehow the feelings got absorbed into the little flower tub.” Jenny
This is such a lovely idea...if you have good ideas to share do get in touch - Click here to Contact Us
Rage
“I have always been someone who felt in control of my life. So this rage just came out of the blue and was unexpected. I was in the post office, I had a head scarf on, a lady looked at me and said ’oh my sister is going through it at the moment’. I know that the lady was just trying to be kind, but I was furious that I couldn’t even stand in a queue for my stamps without having to discuss cancer. I barged out of the post office and threw my shopping onto the ground. Every negative feeling I was having bubbled up into that outburst of emotion and for the first time in my life I was full of rage.” Lorraine
It's important to allow yourself these feelings, if you need to share them why not see a counsellor from the CCT The Cancer Counselling Trust - click here
Surprise
“My partner has always been a man who really loved my long blonde hair and I was more worried about how he would feel about my baldness then anything else. So I was just so surprised when he encouraged me to try a short dark wig. I went for a Mary Quant style black bob - a complete change - and had a new sense of style. My hair has now grown back, and I would like to get it long again, but my little black bob phase was something I will never forget.” Cheryl
The choice of wigs is better then ever before - if you are not happy with yours then have a change - click here to find a good wig supplier
Unfeminine
“Having to go through chemotherapy for the second time, because I had already had a mastectomy and lost my hair once, that was really tough. The first time I lost my hair I still had my breasts and so, although I was upset about hair loss, I still felt like a woman. Now by the second time around I had lost my breasts and my hair and I found this really a very hard time indeed. To me, hair and breasts are the two things that really define a woman and I just found it really hard to cope with feeling unfeminine. Then a gift came from a friend, a colour session, to see what colours best suited me for clothes and make up. It made me think about getting new clothes and trying things that I would never had thought of before. I realised that I had to find a way to get my femininity back and that no one could do this but me.” Suzzie
It's really important to look at new ways of adapting your look - click here for ideas
Unsexy
“I’m going to talk about this because I just feel that when I was going through my treatment no one ever mentioned it. I felt completely unsexy and the problem for me was that once I took my wig off, it was like my personality came off with it. I couldn’t wear my wig in bed because it was just too uncomfortable, and I was scared it would fall off. After four months of treatment, and really not feeling in the mood to get intimate, I thought ‘right I am just going to have to turn this around’. So I booked myself in for a makeup lesson and learnt how to pencil on my eye brows and attach false lashes. I taped my wig onto my head for extra security and made myself look as good as I could. Then I said to my husband ‘right it’s gonna be sitting on the chair and no touching the hair!’ …” Casa
Many women say that they feel unsexy during this time - take a look in our section Up Close and Personal for help on this subject
With great thanks and respect to those people who have kindly given us permission to share their experience in the hope that it may offer support to you.